I'm not quite sure who "they" are, but "they" say that time heals all wounds. I suppose they are generally correct in this statement but they leave out one tiny little detail, they don't tell you how much time it will take:) It has been two weeks since my baby girl Duchess went to heaven and although things have gotten better each day, I don't know if any amount of time in the world will ever heal this would completely. We have done a really good job of focusing on the extraordinary life that she had instead of the last few months which has helped a lot, but my heart still hurts a little every time I think about her. I suppose this is perfectly natural and probably just a reminder that "they" were also right when they said she will never be forgotten. How could she be?
I have been blessed over the past couple weeks to receive countless phone calls and texts from friends and family expressing to me how Duchess had touched their lives. Many of these people have shared a memory they have of her while bird hunting that had stuck in their heads and will continue to forever. I realized after listeneing to a few of these stories that I should no longer be sad to have lost my best friend, I should be proud to have been lucky enough to be the guy chosen to be her dad! I was lucky enough to be the guy who got to show Duch all the different waterfowl hunting spots that I did and put her in the position to be able to shine while retrieving, the one thing in life she lived to do! These people had not only opened my eyes to how Duchess had touched their lives, but they made me think about all of the great times we had together.
I was talking to a cousin of mine a few days after my revelation and we were discussing why this is such a huge phase in the grieving process and although it is arguably the point we all hope to get to, it is the most difficult phase to reach! I think when a loved one of ours passes away it often takes way more than a few phone calls telling us how great this person was to get to this point. I don't know why. We spend our entire time on this planet doing the best we can to honor God and trying to become more like Jesus, all with the promise of eternal life that is joyous beyond our wildest dreams! Yet when a loved one goes to heaven we are saddened for days, weeks, months, or sometime years. Aren't we looking at it backwards? Shouldn't we be happy for this loved one to have reached the starting line, instead of being sad because we think they have reached the finish? I know it's a difficult thought to wrap our heads around but if your grieving a loved one, doesn't matter whether it's a pet, parent, sibling, or friend, try to think only of the great things they had done while here on earth and understand that as profound as those things were, the life they have now is even better!! I guarantee you will start to feel better about your loss, I know I did with Duchess.
So I guess "they" were right after all, time really does heal all wounds. But it doesn't heal them by making us forget the loved one we've lost, rather redirecting our thoughts of this loved one to remembering only the great things, and understanding that what they have now is even better! Each time I see a flock of geese now I think of Duchess and I know she is waiting for me to come join her so she can show me retrieves that are even better than the ones in my memory right now:)
Remember, never forgotten, always remembered, always loved!
Friday, January 23, 2015
Thursday, January 8, 2015
God got a good one
Twelve and a half years ago my life as I knew it changed for good when my first true love came into my life, Duchess Shelby Lucky Girl, more commonly referred to as Duchess, Duchess Dog, or just Duch. I made the decision to get a dog about 6 months before the accident that changed my life, little did I know just how big of a role this little tiny black lab who I found in Laurel, MT was going to have in transforming me into the man that I am today. Duchess was right by my side from day one, filling my life with love and chewing things up like it was her job:) Anyone who knows me understands that the life I was living at this time was not really fit for myself, let alone my dog, yet every morning after I'd stumble awake after another night of bad decisions Duch was right there tail a wagging ready to go have some fun. Her enthusiasm for life and binging me joy was never in doubt!
After the accident while I was in the hospital she continued to show her resilience and love for me when my roommate brought her down to visit me and I walked out of the hospital to see a little black tail going back and forth from across the parking lot. Even though I was in a hospital gown and pretty beat up she knew exactly who I was and was very eager to let me know that she still loves me, no matter what. This love and admiration only blossomed after I got out of the hospital and we moved on with our lives, each day Duchess brought me more joy than I ever expected.
A few moves later and a couple years time gone by and now I had become an us as Duchess and I were officially a unit. Then when we became a full blown family by falling in love with Kelli, Duchess held true to her character and although she made it clear that she was my first true love, she saw how happy Kelli made me and welcomed Kelli into our family by showing her the same love and devotion that I had received. She protected her while Dad worked out of town, retrieved the tennis ball for however long Kelli would throw it, and gladly went on as many walks as Kelli wanted to.
A couple years and a move or two later we broadened our family by bringing Duchess a sister. Again she showed her loving side and welcomed Kashi into our family as though she belonged form the beginning! The two of them immediately bonded and were forever sisters in every sense of the word. I could go on for literally hours telling stories about all the amazing retrieves Duchess has made but I'll simplify it by telling you that no matter how many hunting dogs I come across in the future there will never be one as good as the Duchess Dog! Her drive and energy towards bringing birds back to me was in explainable, you just had to see it with your own eyes to understand it.
Today after a fairly long battle with seizures as well as doggy dementia, Kelli and I decided it was time for Duch to cross the rainbow bridge. We've known this day was coming for a couple months now, but as those who have also gone through this would tell you it doesn't matter how prepared you are it isn't easy. We spent her last time on this earth by her side, holding her and petting her to let her know it was all going to be okay, and as she peacefully crossed over the bridge the tears streamed down our faces. It has been easily the hardest day I have had to deal with in as long as I can remember, I only find sollice in knowing that one day I will meet her again and she will show that same love, joy and excitement as the day we first met, and that gives me something pretty dang sweet to look forward to!:) I love you Duchess more than any of my puny little words could ever describe, I only hope that I gave you half the life you deserved! I cannot wait to meet you in heaven my love where the sky is always full of birds and your bed is made of tennis balls!:)
Dear Duchess,
I wanted to also share what you have meant to me...
I first met you ten years ago and made the mistake of starting to play fetch not knowing this was a never ending game :) You were two years old when I flew to California to see you and your dad for two weeks, you had fleas, peed all over the house, and chewed up everything in your path, I was slightly scared at what I was getting in to. It didn't take long to realize you were crazy but in the absolute best sense of the word. It has came to my attention that we are absolutely alike, type A, regimented, control freaks who get pissed when we don't get what we want.
But we adapted to each other... for years we were all we had during the week while your dad worked out of town. Our daily walks forced me into exercise during the most stressful times for me during college. You protected me from a near break-in in our great falls ghetto house and for that I will always be indebted to you.
I've had to go find you more times then I can count after you ran away chasing random things, after which you would look at me like you didn't understand why I was so scared, you had the way home covered.
I'm scared to go on from here not knowing really how to be without you, I knowingly signed up for this relationship knowing you and your dad were a pair, you get both or neither.
You were strong, beautiful, and smart. I saw how much you helped Kyle get through the worst time of his life and that too is something I'm so grateful for. Please know I know you couldn't stay and I'll take over from here. I promise you I'll take care of your dad and Kashi, if you promise to watch over us from above.
Love you Rainman
Mom
After the accident while I was in the hospital she continued to show her resilience and love for me when my roommate brought her down to visit me and I walked out of the hospital to see a little black tail going back and forth from across the parking lot. Even though I was in a hospital gown and pretty beat up she knew exactly who I was and was very eager to let me know that she still loves me, no matter what. This love and admiration only blossomed after I got out of the hospital and we moved on with our lives, each day Duchess brought me more joy than I ever expected.
A few moves later and a couple years time gone by and now I had become an us as Duchess and I were officially a unit. Then when we became a full blown family by falling in love with Kelli, Duchess held true to her character and although she made it clear that she was my first true love, she saw how happy Kelli made me and welcomed Kelli into our family by showing her the same love and devotion that I had received. She protected her while Dad worked out of town, retrieved the tennis ball for however long Kelli would throw it, and gladly went on as many walks as Kelli wanted to.
A couple years and a move or two later we broadened our family by bringing Duchess a sister. Again she showed her loving side and welcomed Kashi into our family as though she belonged form the beginning! The two of them immediately bonded and were forever sisters in every sense of the word. I could go on for literally hours telling stories about all the amazing retrieves Duchess has made but I'll simplify it by telling you that no matter how many hunting dogs I come across in the future there will never be one as good as the Duchess Dog! Her drive and energy towards bringing birds back to me was in explainable, you just had to see it with your own eyes to understand it.
Today after a fairly long battle with seizures as well as doggy dementia, Kelli and I decided it was time for Duch to cross the rainbow bridge. We've known this day was coming for a couple months now, but as those who have also gone through this would tell you it doesn't matter how prepared you are it isn't easy. We spent her last time on this earth by her side, holding her and petting her to let her know it was all going to be okay, and as she peacefully crossed over the bridge the tears streamed down our faces. It has been easily the hardest day I have had to deal with in as long as I can remember, I only find sollice in knowing that one day I will meet her again and she will show that same love, joy and excitement as the day we first met, and that gives me something pretty dang sweet to look forward to!:) I love you Duchess more than any of my puny little words could ever describe, I only hope that I gave you half the life you deserved! I cannot wait to meet you in heaven my love where the sky is always full of birds and your bed is made of tennis balls!:)
Dear Duchess,
I wanted to also share what you have meant to me...
I first met you ten years ago and made the mistake of starting to play fetch not knowing this was a never ending game :) You were two years old when I flew to California to see you and your dad for two weeks, you had fleas, peed all over the house, and chewed up everything in your path, I was slightly scared at what I was getting in to. It didn't take long to realize you were crazy but in the absolute best sense of the word. It has came to my attention that we are absolutely alike, type A, regimented, control freaks who get pissed when we don't get what we want.
But we adapted to each other... for years we were all we had during the week while your dad worked out of town. Our daily walks forced me into exercise during the most stressful times for me during college. You protected me from a near break-in in our great falls ghetto house and for that I will always be indebted to you.
I've had to go find you more times then I can count after you ran away chasing random things, after which you would look at me like you didn't understand why I was so scared, you had the way home covered.
I'm scared to go on from here not knowing really how to be without you, I knowingly signed up for this relationship knowing you and your dad were a pair, you get both or neither.
You were strong, beautiful, and smart. I saw how much you helped Kyle get through the worst time of his life and that too is something I'm so grateful for. Please know I know you couldn't stay and I'll take over from here. I promise you I'll take care of your dad and Kashi, if you promise to watch over us from above.
Love you Rainman
Mom
Remember, sometimes we have no choice but to physically let go of the ones we love, but we always have the choice to keep them in our hearts forever!!
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