Six months, twenty five days, that's how long it's been since my last post! I suppose when I started this blog, intentions of posting a bit more frequently were what I had in mind, but life has a tendency to alter our plans from time to time! There's an interesting word, time, I seem to remember a time not long ago when it appeared I had all the time in the world to do the things I had on my agenda. Things like golfing, fishing, elk hunting, and updating this blog. Now there are days where I don't even have the time to blow the dust off my golf clubs, let alone attempt to use them, and I wouldn't have it any other way!!
I have often wondered who "they" are, but they say there is no greater joy in the world than being a parent. Any parent who's honest with themselves would also include words such as frustration, trial, happiness, sadness, challenge, and faith test to the list of descriptors. I believe these are all true and yet every last bit of it is worth it! As I shared with you six months and twenty five days ago, Kelli and I have jumped into the parenting game and considering the circumstance of how we became parents, we could probably add a few more words to the previously mentioned list. We became foster parents with the hopes of adopting a 9 month old little girl way back in March, now she is one day shy of becoming 17 months old and she has given us more joy than words could ever describe. Others who have gone down the foster to adopt path have told us to expect the unexpected and just hang on because it will be a roller coaster. Of course if I were to share every single detail of our journey thus far you all would be reading this post for another two hours, so instead I'll give you the short version. If you know anyone who has gone through the adoption process then don't be surprised if our story sounds very familiar, unfortunately this is the norm, or so we've been told:) Also don't be alarmed, her name isn't Simba, it's just the nickname Aunt Jill gave her that we use because we're not allowed to share her name or photos until things are official.
The day little Simba came into our home, I'll pause for you to process the visual of me holding her up high above my head for the rest of the kingdom to witness, we were told that there was a strong possibility we could be moving towards adoption soon. The birth parents had not done much to lead the state to believe they could right the ship so the state was looking at other permanent options for Simba. We found out two days later, during our first of many monthly visits with the state social worker, that things can change rather quickly. The birth parents had both done enough work for the state to "give them some more time", fast forward to June and all of a sudden we had gone from most likely going towards adoption to talk of transitioning back to birth parents in just a couple months!! Naturally by this point we were completely attached to little Simba, those of you who have been lucky enough to meet her understand how easily that can happen, so news of things going the opposite direction we were hoping for was pretty devastating at first. But the more we thought about it and the more we prayed about it, we slowly began to think that if Simba's birth mom could get things back together then maybe that was what was best for her. Just about the time we had made our peace with the fact that this little sweetheart wouldn't be with us forever things took another turn! Over the course of the first couple weeks of October we were informed that the birth parents had finally had enough second chances and the state has filed for termination! We were quite shocked at how quickly things transpired but we have been on this roller coaster long enough now to know not to put our cart too far ahead of the horses! We still take things one day at a time as we wait for the court system to run it's course, and even though everyone involved is telling us its just a matter of time before we will be adopting Simba, we aren't getting too excited until a judge gives us a reason to:)
Obviously that is the very abbreviated version of what our summer was like, but I think it gives you a good idea of why we are looking forward to fall! This journey we've gone on has definitely been a huge test of our faith as we really have no control over the outcome. Our only option is to quite literally turn it completely over to God and trust that He has a plan for this wondrous child of His. Simba has already brightened our lives more than we could have ever imagined and she has been welcomed into our family with open arms! It is very common for us humans to think that we make the choices we make in life completely for our own plans and desires, we are finding out that really everything we do is part of God's greater plan for us and those little decisions we seem to come up with on our own rarely are solely from our own design. Kelli and I would have told you the reason we moved over to Spokane was for the opportunity for a career change, we understand now that Simba was the reason all along. No matter what happens with her future our lives will never be the same again! She truly has been the greatest blessing we could ever ask for!!
Remember, don't put all of your attention into your own plans, there is always a far bigger plan in the works!
Monday, October 26, 2015
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
New chapter
Once again it has been a while since I've posted on here, but at least this time I've got a valid excuse:) The past few weeks have been a whirlwind to say the least! Most of you know about the changes that have happened to us in the family department but if you don't I'll summarize it quickly, we recently became a family as we took in a foster to adopt placement!! We have a long way to go before anything will be finalized but in the few short weeks that we have been a family we have been changed in ways we never could have imagined!! We truly understand now what people mean when they say becoming a parent changes you, we became parents quite literally in a matter of hours and the changes we've encountered are indescribably awesome! We continue to turn it over to God and pray that we will be able to share more about this little angel very soon and we thank you all for your prayers for our family as we continue to watch God's will come through this child!
Remember, as Norman MacLaine once famously said, "eventually all things merge into one, and a river runs through it."
As one chapter is just beggining in our lives, another one came to an end last night. As you may remember we had to let my dog Duchess go meet God back in January and we chose to have her remains cremated with the intentions of spreading her ashes in her home state of Montana. I had a training for work in Billings this week so I brought her with to bring her back home. One of her favorite hunting partners, Ryan, came with me as I took her out to the Yellowstone river. She loved this river more than any living being I have ever seen, some of the best retrieves I will witness in my lifetime have been made by Duch on that river, so it only seemed fitting that it was where she would want to be. As we stood on the river bank reflecting on the great times we've shared there, I knew I was in the right spot as Duchess showed herself to me. Just before sending her ashes into the river a small flock of five geese flew overhead and as they went in to land on the river jsut downstream from us, one of them flared out to the right and made a loop directly over the top of me before completing the and rejoining the rest of the flock on the water. Since January 9th 2015 on I will forever believe that my beloved Duchess will show herself to me through geese, simply because this was her favorite bird to chase and every time I've seen geese since she went to heaven I can feel her presence! So when this lone honker swayed from her routine behavior to fly over me there was no doubt in my mind that it was my baby girl showing me she approved of her final resting place. I finished letting her go, placed her collar name tag in the rocks, and sat there for a few moments in silence as I listened to the geese voice their joy across the river. It could only be summed up with one word, perfect.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Ask this old house
I watch a show on our local PBS station called Ask This Old House, it is a pretty interesting show where a group of contractors travels around the country helping homeowners fix their dilapidated old houses. Being one of those homeowners I often find myself wondering what my old house would say if I asked it how it was doing. I'm pretty sure it would simply say thank you!
We have spent tireless hours in the last two years doing everything we can to not only make this house our home, but also to try to revive it to the glory it held as a new house in the early 1930's. We've gone through just about every room in the house and much of the outside, covering everything from painting to exterior finishes, and little by little it's all coming together. Our largest task of all has been turning our empty unfinished basement into a third bedroom and second bathroom! This project started last June with cutting in the egress window for the bedroom, and now we have finally reached the sheet rock stage, which means we can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Now that we're this far along every time I get tired or sore and start to think about wether or not we made the right decision, all I have to do is ask this old house what it thinks, I can almost hear it say thank you, thank you for making me feel young again! The closer we get to making this house all that it can be the more I have to remind myself that all the hard work we are putting into it will not go to waste, that not just our family but many others down the road may live in her and love on her in the same maner that we have! Someday a I just wish my progress would move as quickly as the shows progress, if only I could figure out how to take a commercial break in life:)
Remember, houses are just like people, they will not make it without a little love!:)
Friday, January 23, 2015
Healing
I'm not quite sure who "they" are, but "they" say that time heals all wounds. I suppose they are generally correct in this statement but they leave out one tiny little detail, they don't tell you how much time it will take:) It has been two weeks since my baby girl Duchess went to heaven and although things have gotten better each day, I don't know if any amount of time in the world will ever heal this would completely. We have done a really good job of focusing on the extraordinary life that she had instead of the last few months which has helped a lot, but my heart still hurts a little every time I think about her. I suppose this is perfectly natural and probably just a reminder that "they" were also right when they said she will never be forgotten. How could she be?
I have been blessed over the past couple weeks to receive countless phone calls and texts from friends and family expressing to me how Duchess had touched their lives. Many of these people have shared a memory they have of her while bird hunting that had stuck in their heads and will continue to forever. I realized after listeneing to a few of these stories that I should no longer be sad to have lost my best friend, I should be proud to have been lucky enough to be the guy chosen to be her dad! I was lucky enough to be the guy who got to show Duch all the different waterfowl hunting spots that I did and put her in the position to be able to shine while retrieving, the one thing in life she lived to do! These people had not only opened my eyes to how Duchess had touched their lives, but they made me think about all of the great times we had together.
I was talking to a cousin of mine a few days after my revelation and we were discussing why this is such a huge phase in the grieving process and although it is arguably the point we all hope to get to, it is the most difficult phase to reach! I think when a loved one of ours passes away it often takes way more than a few phone calls telling us how great this person was to get to this point. I don't know why. We spend our entire time on this planet doing the best we can to honor God and trying to become more like Jesus, all with the promise of eternal life that is joyous beyond our wildest dreams! Yet when a loved one goes to heaven we are saddened for days, weeks, months, or sometime years. Aren't we looking at it backwards? Shouldn't we be happy for this loved one to have reached the starting line, instead of being sad because we think they have reached the finish? I know it's a difficult thought to wrap our heads around but if your grieving a loved one, doesn't matter whether it's a pet, parent, sibling, or friend, try to think only of the great things they had done while here on earth and understand that as profound as those things were, the life they have now is even better!! I guarantee you will start to feel better about your loss, I know I did with Duchess.
So I guess "they" were right after all, time really does heal all wounds. But it doesn't heal them by making us forget the loved one we've lost, rather redirecting our thoughts of this loved one to remembering only the great things, and understanding that what they have now is even better! Each time I see a flock of geese now I think of Duchess and I know she is waiting for me to come join her so she can show me retrieves that are even better than the ones in my memory right now:)
Remember, never forgotten, always remembered, always loved!
I have been blessed over the past couple weeks to receive countless phone calls and texts from friends and family expressing to me how Duchess had touched their lives. Many of these people have shared a memory they have of her while bird hunting that had stuck in their heads and will continue to forever. I realized after listeneing to a few of these stories that I should no longer be sad to have lost my best friend, I should be proud to have been lucky enough to be the guy chosen to be her dad! I was lucky enough to be the guy who got to show Duch all the different waterfowl hunting spots that I did and put her in the position to be able to shine while retrieving, the one thing in life she lived to do! These people had not only opened my eyes to how Duchess had touched their lives, but they made me think about all of the great times we had together.
I was talking to a cousin of mine a few days after my revelation and we were discussing why this is such a huge phase in the grieving process and although it is arguably the point we all hope to get to, it is the most difficult phase to reach! I think when a loved one of ours passes away it often takes way more than a few phone calls telling us how great this person was to get to this point. I don't know why. We spend our entire time on this planet doing the best we can to honor God and trying to become more like Jesus, all with the promise of eternal life that is joyous beyond our wildest dreams! Yet when a loved one goes to heaven we are saddened for days, weeks, months, or sometime years. Aren't we looking at it backwards? Shouldn't we be happy for this loved one to have reached the starting line, instead of being sad because we think they have reached the finish? I know it's a difficult thought to wrap our heads around but if your grieving a loved one, doesn't matter whether it's a pet, parent, sibling, or friend, try to think only of the great things they had done while here on earth and understand that as profound as those things were, the life they have now is even better!! I guarantee you will start to feel better about your loss, I know I did with Duchess.
So I guess "they" were right after all, time really does heal all wounds. But it doesn't heal them by making us forget the loved one we've lost, rather redirecting our thoughts of this loved one to remembering only the great things, and understanding that what they have now is even better! Each time I see a flock of geese now I think of Duchess and I know she is waiting for me to come join her so she can show me retrieves that are even better than the ones in my memory right now:)
Remember, never forgotten, always remembered, always loved!
Thursday, January 8, 2015
God got a good one
Twelve and a half years ago my life as I knew it changed for good when my first true love came into my life, Duchess Shelby Lucky Girl, more commonly referred to as Duchess, Duchess Dog, or just Duch. I made the decision to get a dog about 6 months before the accident that changed my life, little did I know just how big of a role this little tiny black lab who I found in Laurel, MT was going to have in transforming me into the man that I am today. Duchess was right by my side from day one, filling my life with love and chewing things up like it was her job:) Anyone who knows me understands that the life I was living at this time was not really fit for myself, let alone my dog, yet every morning after I'd stumble awake after another night of bad decisions Duch was right there tail a wagging ready to go have some fun. Her enthusiasm for life and binging me joy was never in doubt!
After the accident while I was in the hospital she continued to show her resilience and love for me when my roommate brought her down to visit me and I walked out of the hospital to see a little black tail going back and forth from across the parking lot. Even though I was in a hospital gown and pretty beat up she knew exactly who I was and was very eager to let me know that she still loves me, no matter what. This love and admiration only blossomed after I got out of the hospital and we moved on with our lives, each day Duchess brought me more joy than I ever expected.
A few moves later and a couple years time gone by and now I had become an us as Duchess and I were officially a unit. Then when we became a full blown family by falling in love with Kelli, Duchess held true to her character and although she made it clear that she was my first true love, she saw how happy Kelli made me and welcomed Kelli into our family by showing her the same love and devotion that I had received. She protected her while Dad worked out of town, retrieved the tennis ball for however long Kelli would throw it, and gladly went on as many walks as Kelli wanted to.
A couple years and a move or two later we broadened our family by bringing Duchess a sister. Again she showed her loving side and welcomed Kashi into our family as though she belonged form the beginning! The two of them immediately bonded and were forever sisters in every sense of the word. I could go on for literally hours telling stories about all the amazing retrieves Duchess has made but I'll simplify it by telling you that no matter how many hunting dogs I come across in the future there will never be one as good as the Duchess Dog! Her drive and energy towards bringing birds back to me was in explainable, you just had to see it with your own eyes to understand it.
Today after a fairly long battle with seizures as well as doggy dementia, Kelli and I decided it was time for Duch to cross the rainbow bridge. We've known this day was coming for a couple months now, but as those who have also gone through this would tell you it doesn't matter how prepared you are it isn't easy. We spent her last time on this earth by her side, holding her and petting her to let her know it was all going to be okay, and as she peacefully crossed over the bridge the tears streamed down our faces. It has been easily the hardest day I have had to deal with in as long as I can remember, I only find sollice in knowing that one day I will meet her again and she will show that same love, joy and excitement as the day we first met, and that gives me something pretty dang sweet to look forward to!:) I love you Duchess more than any of my puny little words could ever describe, I only hope that I gave you half the life you deserved! I cannot wait to meet you in heaven my love where the sky is always full of birds and your bed is made of tennis balls!:)
Dear Duchess,
I wanted to also share what you have meant to me...
I first met you ten years ago and made the mistake of starting to play fetch not knowing this was a never ending game :) You were two years old when I flew to California to see you and your dad for two weeks, you had fleas, peed all over the house, and chewed up everything in your path, I was slightly scared at what I was getting in to. It didn't take long to realize you were crazy but in the absolute best sense of the word. It has came to my attention that we are absolutely alike, type A, regimented, control freaks who get pissed when we don't get what we want.
But we adapted to each other... for years we were all we had during the week while your dad worked out of town. Our daily walks forced me into exercise during the most stressful times for me during college. You protected me from a near break-in in our great falls ghetto house and for that I will always be indebted to you.
I've had to go find you more times then I can count after you ran away chasing random things, after which you would look at me like you didn't understand why I was so scared, you had the way home covered.
I'm scared to go on from here not knowing really how to be without you, I knowingly signed up for this relationship knowing you and your dad were a pair, you get both or neither.
You were strong, beautiful, and smart. I saw how much you helped Kyle get through the worst time of his life and that too is something I'm so grateful for. Please know I know you couldn't stay and I'll take over from here. I promise you I'll take care of your dad and Kashi, if you promise to watch over us from above.
Love you Rainman
Mom
After the accident while I was in the hospital she continued to show her resilience and love for me when my roommate brought her down to visit me and I walked out of the hospital to see a little black tail going back and forth from across the parking lot. Even though I was in a hospital gown and pretty beat up she knew exactly who I was and was very eager to let me know that she still loves me, no matter what. This love and admiration only blossomed after I got out of the hospital and we moved on with our lives, each day Duchess brought me more joy than I ever expected.
A few moves later and a couple years time gone by and now I had become an us as Duchess and I were officially a unit. Then when we became a full blown family by falling in love with Kelli, Duchess held true to her character and although she made it clear that she was my first true love, she saw how happy Kelli made me and welcomed Kelli into our family by showing her the same love and devotion that I had received. She protected her while Dad worked out of town, retrieved the tennis ball for however long Kelli would throw it, and gladly went on as many walks as Kelli wanted to.
A couple years and a move or two later we broadened our family by bringing Duchess a sister. Again she showed her loving side and welcomed Kashi into our family as though she belonged form the beginning! The two of them immediately bonded and were forever sisters in every sense of the word. I could go on for literally hours telling stories about all the amazing retrieves Duchess has made but I'll simplify it by telling you that no matter how many hunting dogs I come across in the future there will never be one as good as the Duchess Dog! Her drive and energy towards bringing birds back to me was in explainable, you just had to see it with your own eyes to understand it.
Today after a fairly long battle with seizures as well as doggy dementia, Kelli and I decided it was time for Duch to cross the rainbow bridge. We've known this day was coming for a couple months now, but as those who have also gone through this would tell you it doesn't matter how prepared you are it isn't easy. We spent her last time on this earth by her side, holding her and petting her to let her know it was all going to be okay, and as she peacefully crossed over the bridge the tears streamed down our faces. It has been easily the hardest day I have had to deal with in as long as I can remember, I only find sollice in knowing that one day I will meet her again and she will show that same love, joy and excitement as the day we first met, and that gives me something pretty dang sweet to look forward to!:) I love you Duchess more than any of my puny little words could ever describe, I only hope that I gave you half the life you deserved! I cannot wait to meet you in heaven my love where the sky is always full of birds and your bed is made of tennis balls!:)
Dear Duchess,
I wanted to also share what you have meant to me...
I first met you ten years ago and made the mistake of starting to play fetch not knowing this was a never ending game :) You were two years old when I flew to California to see you and your dad for two weeks, you had fleas, peed all over the house, and chewed up everything in your path, I was slightly scared at what I was getting in to. It didn't take long to realize you were crazy but in the absolute best sense of the word. It has came to my attention that we are absolutely alike, type A, regimented, control freaks who get pissed when we don't get what we want.
But we adapted to each other... for years we were all we had during the week while your dad worked out of town. Our daily walks forced me into exercise during the most stressful times for me during college. You protected me from a near break-in in our great falls ghetto house and for that I will always be indebted to you.
I've had to go find you more times then I can count after you ran away chasing random things, after which you would look at me like you didn't understand why I was so scared, you had the way home covered.
I'm scared to go on from here not knowing really how to be without you, I knowingly signed up for this relationship knowing you and your dad were a pair, you get both or neither.
You were strong, beautiful, and smart. I saw how much you helped Kyle get through the worst time of his life and that too is something I'm so grateful for. Please know I know you couldn't stay and I'll take over from here. I promise you I'll take care of your dad and Kashi, if you promise to watch over us from above.
Love you Rainman
Mom
Remember, sometimes we have no choice but to physically let go of the ones we love, but we always have the choice to keep them in our hearts forever!!
Thursday, December 25, 2014
MERRY CHRISTMAS
This special time of year I have been reminded of the true meaning of Christmas! Kelli and I have kind of made it a tradition over the last few years to try something new each Christmas season, this seasons new events have included Christmas carols and tree lighting at a local Methodist church, and a candlight service last night at the Stevensville baptist church! Combine this with a candlelight service at our church in spokane, they had candlelight services last Sunday for people like us who would be traveling, and it's been a very festive and fun holiday!
Through all of the different things we have done this year and all the different denominations of churches we have gone to for things like the tree lighting and candlelight service on the road, I was gleefully reminded at each event of the real meaning of the season. No matter where we are or what name is on the front of the church the common denominator has been the celebration of God becoming man! And when I'm probably going to be the kid at heart who always wishes for a white Christmas, when I wake up to this I have nothing but thanksgiving and joy to give to the new born king!! Joy to the world indeed!!
Remember, the true meaning of Christmas today!!:)
Sunday, December 7, 2014
The end of an era
This past weekend was one filled with highs and lows, as many of them are, but this one held some high sentimental values to it! It all started on Friday morning when Duchess and I went duck hunting with Ryan and a friend of ours. We have a pretty neat little spot we go to that's on the upper edge of a lake where a creek feeds and there is a patch of water about 20 feet wide that stays open nearly all year so the ducks just pile into it! We got there early, set out our decoys and settled into the grass to wait for shooting light. The cool morning fog was so dense it felt as though it was lightly raining and the closer we got to shooting hours the colder it felt, thankfully a full thermos of hot coffee kept me warm. I have noticed this year Duchess has began to show the signs of her age for the first time on our duck hunts, having always hoped she'd be able to hunt until she dies I just ignored them though because she still showed the same drive and passion she always has. But on this hunt when Ryan and Kris shot the first two ducks of the day I knew things had definitely changed when Duch ran right passed the first duck and couldn't find the second one, even after I pointed her in the direction of it. I had thought that her senses, vision, hearing, and smell, were starting to slip a little, and when she couldn't see, or smell either of these ducks I knew they had slipped much more than I even imagined.
A little while after those first couple ducks Ryan got another one and after running around looking for it for about five minutes, she finally found it after nearly stepping on it. We then went through a little lull in the action so I let Duchess off her leash to just roam around a little, something we've done tons of times before without worry. This time she went out into the open section of the lake where the ice was working it's way towards the creek inlet we were set up on and after swimming her way out to the ice she tried climbing up on the ice. She couldn't get up onto the ice and she wasn't responding to my calls to her to turn around which was very abnormal so I had to walk out to her so she could see me and understand she needed to just swim back where she came from. I got her back in the blind and leashed her back up for good since she couldn't hear me I was concerned for her safety for the first time in her life. Moments later Ryan shot another duck but it was hit poorly and it sailed into the trees and brush behind us, I got up to go look for it with Duchess but as I walked past Ryan and Kris I told them that the way Duch had been acting I didn't have high hopes of finding the bird. Every hunter's worst fear is loosing game so tensions were a little high as Duch and I went into the trees. We got into the thick of them and I knelt down next to Duch and spoke directly into her ear in the hopes that she would hear me say the phrase she's heard me say hundreds of times, "get the bird, hunt him up!" I let her off her leash and witnessed something I will never forget, she started running around through the thick grass and brush, 12 year old nose pinned to the ground, and in less than 30 seconds she picked up a scent and went right to the duck who had burrowed his way under the thick bunch grass and flushed him out! The duck was trying to fly away from Duch and she took one big lunge and snatched him right out of the air!! For about two minutes she had the eyes, ears, and nose that have made her who she is, in my mind clearly a God thing:)
She brought that bird back to me and I could see in her eyes that she could read my mind and we were both thinking the same thing right then, this might be the final retrieve of her career. I could see the pride in her eyes as she brought that duck to me and I know she could see the pride in mine as I'm pretty sure I was starting to tear up! This entire waterfowl season she has just not quite been the same, she still had the same desire to be out there every single time, she just wasn't the same girl once the hunt started. She has given me so many moments in the blind that I will never forget, but this lone drake mallard was hands down the best! Under the circumstances it easily catapults to the top of a long list of amazing retrieves! As we came out of the trees, bird in hand, Ryan and Kris couldn't believe it. I was so proud of my girl that I couldn't come up with the words to describe just how awesome her retrieve was, and yet at the same time I was holding back tears as I knew that was going to be the last bird she would ever bring back to my feet.
I knew this day would eventually come, and I admit that I've been a little naive thinking that my 12 year old lab could continue to hunt like she was 3 for the rest of her life, but never the less it isn't any easier of a decision to retire her from hunting. After the day we shared on Friday and the emotions I went through I don't even want to think about how I'll react when her time on earth is up! I think it's best if I just don't think about that:) After a heavy day of emotions though things turned around on Saturday as I celebrated 12 years of sobriety!! I did the math and I've officially been sober now for longer than I drank! That's a very cool feeling as I know that nothing that I have accomplished in life could have been achieved while I was tied to my addiction. I am so thankful each and every day for every one who continues to support me, I live every day knowing that I have the love and support of the best team anyone could ask for!
Remember, like the gambler said, you gotta know when to fold em, know when to hold em.
A little while after those first couple ducks Ryan got another one and after running around looking for it for about five minutes, she finally found it after nearly stepping on it. We then went through a little lull in the action so I let Duchess off her leash to just roam around a little, something we've done tons of times before without worry. This time she went out into the open section of the lake where the ice was working it's way towards the creek inlet we were set up on and after swimming her way out to the ice she tried climbing up on the ice. She couldn't get up onto the ice and she wasn't responding to my calls to her to turn around which was very abnormal so I had to walk out to her so she could see me and understand she needed to just swim back where she came from. I got her back in the blind and leashed her back up for good since she couldn't hear me I was concerned for her safety for the first time in her life. Moments later Ryan shot another duck but it was hit poorly and it sailed into the trees and brush behind us, I got up to go look for it with Duchess but as I walked past Ryan and Kris I told them that the way Duch had been acting I didn't have high hopes of finding the bird. Every hunter's worst fear is loosing game so tensions were a little high as Duch and I went into the trees. We got into the thick of them and I knelt down next to Duch and spoke directly into her ear in the hopes that she would hear me say the phrase she's heard me say hundreds of times, "get the bird, hunt him up!" I let her off her leash and witnessed something I will never forget, she started running around through the thick grass and brush, 12 year old nose pinned to the ground, and in less than 30 seconds she picked up a scent and went right to the duck who had burrowed his way under the thick bunch grass and flushed him out! The duck was trying to fly away from Duch and she took one big lunge and snatched him right out of the air!! For about two minutes she had the eyes, ears, and nose that have made her who she is, in my mind clearly a God thing:)
She brought that bird back to me and I could see in her eyes that she could read my mind and we were both thinking the same thing right then, this might be the final retrieve of her career. I could see the pride in her eyes as she brought that duck to me and I know she could see the pride in mine as I'm pretty sure I was starting to tear up! This entire waterfowl season she has just not quite been the same, she still had the same desire to be out there every single time, she just wasn't the same girl once the hunt started. She has given me so many moments in the blind that I will never forget, but this lone drake mallard was hands down the best! Under the circumstances it easily catapults to the top of a long list of amazing retrieves! As we came out of the trees, bird in hand, Ryan and Kris couldn't believe it. I was so proud of my girl that I couldn't come up with the words to describe just how awesome her retrieve was, and yet at the same time I was holding back tears as I knew that was going to be the last bird she would ever bring back to my feet.
I knew this day would eventually come, and I admit that I've been a little naive thinking that my 12 year old lab could continue to hunt like she was 3 for the rest of her life, but never the less it isn't any easier of a decision to retire her from hunting. After the day we shared on Friday and the emotions I went through I don't even want to think about how I'll react when her time on earth is up! I think it's best if I just don't think about that:) After a heavy day of emotions though things turned around on Saturday as I celebrated 12 years of sobriety!! I did the math and I've officially been sober now for longer than I drank! That's a very cool feeling as I know that nothing that I have accomplished in life could have been achieved while I was tied to my addiction. I am so thankful each and every day for every one who continues to support me, I live every day knowing that I have the love and support of the best team anyone could ask for!
Remember, like the gambler said, you gotta know when to fold em, know when to hold em.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)